That's all I was.
Yes, this was one of the thoughts that ran through my head throughout the end of 2015.
Like everyone else, 2015 was a pretty big year for me.
Without going into too much detail (I'll save that for another day), I found myself lost many, many times.
Yet still managed to put on the armour and pretend everything was all good. (note: this is not an attention seeking comment, I understand just how lucky we have it here in Australia, but my statement is a reflection of my current reality).
Through the year I found myself frequently asking, "Who am I? Where do I want to be? What is my purpose?"
I would read all of these bloody books about success and motivation, yet some days I barely wanted to get out of bed.
Every day I would strive for more and more. That's how success is built they told me. To be more, I needed to read more. I wanted more knowledge, to work harder, to have more money. I wanted to produce more content so I can reach more people and, as if that wasn't enough, I wanted it yesterday.
But was it an empty search? What would I lose in the process of trying to gain?
After busting it for the past 3 years, why is it after consuming SO MUCH information, I feel even more confused and lost?
Why didn't I have the answers?
These self help guru's post so much about living your purpose, yet no-one really knows how to define the process of finding that purpose.
That you must discover on your own.
"Find your passion and you'll never work a day in your life."
"Take massive action to get massive results".....right?
OK...great, Now do we get there?
However, upon taking a good hard look at myself, the problem was, and until I shift my thinking, will continue to be....ME.
I am the one who puts this pressure on myself. Listening to these success tapes about quitting the 9-5 and living overseas or selling online programs and making 5 figures a month and then taking MASSIVE action to reap the rewards of a first class life....These are the dreams they sell you.
In reality, though, it takes time to discover your passion.
I was recently reading a book by James Altucher about the particular ages that certain people finally broke through and made a difference in society. (read: found their passion).
It was refreshing to see that a LOT of highly successful people did not hit the big time until they were 40's, 50's, or even 60's. (Colonel Sanders for example was late 60's, Ray Kroc...early 50's)
They worked their asses off for years, and years, and years before they reaped what they had sown.
Which is a lesson we must all learn. It doesn't just happen overnight.
I thought I was being helpful by posting all of those pictures of books and audio programs yet I was only hindering my own progress.
As soon as a book delivery would come, I would show off new books I bought before I even read them. Boosting my own ego. Showing people how 'smart' I was. Then I woke up...anyone can buy books!
It's what you do with them that counts.
And while yes I have developed a strong interest for reading, 2016 for me is going to be all about going back and refining my goals and deciding what actually matters.
So moving forward, you won't be seeing posts with stacks of books or pictures of new audio programs unless I am REALLY really digging it.
What you will be seeing, is a lot more posts like this. The honest truth.
Thanks for reading.