lsg live

How to Gain More Control In Your Life (Develop the R.O.E Mentality)

In this episode I discuss the best way that you can gain more autonomy in your workplace.  By producing results. Results are all that matter.

Whether you are an employee, a business owner, a student or a teacher, if you can produce results for someone else, they will take action upon your advice.

But there is one caveat to gaining this autonomy.....In the below video I discuss exactly that.

Enjoy.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M-ZbW8KfhY


Listen to the Podcast

https://soundcloud.com/hayden-wilson-415898380/how-to-gain-more-control-in-your-life-develop-the-roe-mentality


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Coming Soon.

How to Create a To-Do List that actually gets RESULTS.

Most people's to do lists are either non-existent, or 200 items long.  Both of these generally result in the essential items being missed, and the easy stuff being done instead. Let me show you how you should really be creating your to do list which focuses on big ticket items and actually getting results.

Enjoy.

 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GK2Ajuk46eE


Listen to the Podcast

https://soundcloud.com/hayden-wilson-415898380/how-to-create-a-to-do-list-that-actually-gets-results


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hayden Wilson here for Learn Share Grow live. This is Episode number 19 and today we’re still talking about time management. Today I’m going to speak to you about how to create a To-Do list that generates results that you can actually follow through with.

 

Basically, there are two types of people – I’m going to zoom my camera in – what you’ll find is there are lots of people. The one person on the left decides that he is just going to try and remember everything and on the right hand side you’ve got a person who has a long list of To-Do list items. Most people have what seems to be an ever growing list of To-Do’s and I’m here to share with you some strategies on how you can actually prioritise the different parts of that list and start to realise that these certain things don’t need to be done at this time and the list can be managed in a different way.

 

Most people’s To-Do lists are too long, there are no priorities built into them. There are mixed agendas within them and there are also unimportant items. All this leads to that feeling of being overwhelmed – so much to do, not enough time. This leads to stress and what happens when we are stressed - we start to procrastinate and do things that we shouldn’t do because that’s where the comfort lies. Our brain, our psychology, wants us to live in that comfort zone where things are easy. they’re good and we know what we’re doing, but to actually make progress we need to step out of that comfort zone and start to do things that actually need to be done – and that’s why I’m here.

 

So what I’m going to get you to do – if I just zoom in, I’m not sure if you can see it – I need you to make three lists. The first one, and this is an idea that comes from Graham Allcott – he’s a productivity manager in the UK. What he suggests is that you have three different lists and this is what I’m going to take you through. The first one is your major projects, so this might be move house; plan to host an event in April; or to complete a research assignment. Where most people go wrong is they mix their major projects which is the overarching theme of the different elements of their life, then they mix in their master actions which are the individual items to get the major projects done, and then they have a To-Do list which is a collaboration of pretty much everything that they need to do, but there’s no priority, no order and it just ends of being chaos.

 

So what I’m going to share with you is in our major projects, let’s take an example of moving house. What I need you to do is to break down all the steps required to actually move house. Because if you just have ‘move house’ or ‘plan to move house’ on your To-Do list, it’s extremely overwhelming because we know there are so many different tasks. So if I said to you do you want to plan to move house, or do you want to organise lunches for next week, of course the brain inherently wants to go to the easiest task as I mentioned earlier. So you need to make it easier on your brain to get stuff done by listing out all the master actions. So for example, say I’ve got ‘move house’ here as one of my major projects, the next thing I’m going to do is break it down into every single step. Here I’ve got four examples. Research schools - you need to know the levels of education for your children or maybe you want to go to University, so you need to look at the different schools that are around. So I want you to go on google and look for what schools would be appropriate for me. That is one item on your master actions list that we can then cross off or give a big tick off. I’m going to talk about why that’s important in a minute.

 

Then you need to think about redirecting all your different mail; you need to think about organising removalists; you perhaps need to book a pet sitter. These are all the little things that you wouldn’t realise unless you break them down by just having a major project. It’s very overwhelming, we need to break it down into the master actions.

 

So for each of our major projects I need you to break down all the different tasks that you need to complete to get that finished. Then, that will create your master actions list but this isn’t going to be enough. Without this there is still going to be chaos and no order so the next step from having this list and I usually break it down into headings and sub headings. The major heading is the project, then I have the sub headings, and then I give each one a priority – this is the major benefit of using this system, you must give them a priority. Without the priorities we’re just going to default to whatever’s easiest. We don’t think of the longer term. What I want you to do is think about managing tasks. The feeling of being overwhelmed comes from this whole big project that we need to complete, such as moving house – it’s very overwhelming, but when you break it down into these smaller tasks it’s a lot more manageable. We can start to foresee what needs to be done to get that end result. Always think of the end result but think of it in terms of the actions required rather than everything done at once.

 

So we have a list of master actions then give each one a number. There will be things in this list that you can and can’t do at this very present time and this is where a lot of people go wrong. They may have a list of 30, 40 of 50 items because they have too many things that they think are urgent and need to be done. We spend a lot of time creating these lists and getting this feeling of productivity when we having actually done anything. The actual work comes from completing these tasks, not planning them. I love planning, don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge planner, but when I used to use this huge To-Do list – and I know this from experience – I used to put on the stupidest things just to give myself the dopamine release of crossing off an item or giving it a tick – I used to feel good about myself for completing the smallest of tasks, brushing my teeth or taking my dog for a walk, things that you should just be doing anyway. So don’t put those types of things on your master actions list because they’re just items that you should be doing in your everyday life.

 

Once we have all of our priorities you’re going to find that some can be done right now and some we can leave for others. I’m going to give you a few strategies on how you can get projects moving forward from other people. It can be a huge time burden when we have to wait for others to deliver our project. But what we’re going to do is take all the things that can be done right now and put them in our To-Do-Now list. This is going to create a much more concise list of items that we can actually do because if you have everything it’s very daunting to try and do everything, there are different parts and pieces, you need to wait for people, oh I need to wait for this, oh while I’m waiting for that I’ll just jump on facebook or I’ll just check my emails – this is what I want you to avoid, because that stuff, while it’s great and it’s enjoyable, it doesn’t actually get the result that we need. So once we prioritise them, I want you to work relentlessly and from start to end I want you to work through one of those priorities. Then once you finish that, move on to number 2, then move onto number 3. This is the only way that stuff truly gets done.

 

So that’s what you need to do. Firstly, create your three lists. The second thing I want to share with you – I’ll just grab my worksheet – when I’m waiting on items from others, I created a Due-From-Others list and this is an idea I got from a real estate guru John McGrath when I was listening to one of his podcasts. If you can see it, you’ve got the item description; you’ve got the Due From which is where you put the name; the expected date; and then lastly, you’ve got the follow up. Then what I want you to do, for everything that you are waiting for someone on, I want you to chuck that in the item description. Then in the next column you are going to say who it’s from then you’re going to talk about in the expected date - with every task you must set a date with that person, when can I see it, when will you be able to finish it, will you have that ready for me next Thursday, suggest a date – that’s always a good trick. Then, if they haven’t delivered, that’s what the follow up column is for. I want you to put a date, two or three days afterwards, or a tick that you have followed up or you’re going to follow up and when the new expected date is. This is a great way to track what items are incoming and what you awaiting because a lot of our time can be spent waiting for things from different people and this gives us a skewed sense of productivity because in our minds we’re thinking I can complete this but I have to wait for that so we’re passing the blame or responsibility – if you look back to your master actions there are a ton of other things that you can be getting done in different areas.

 

The third thing I want to talk to you about is what I call the Two Minute Rule. I adapted this from Tim Ferriss who is a productivity guru and a great mentor through books of mine – what Tim suggests if you can action the item right now - say an email or an SMS comes into your inbox or a phone call, which are all distractions by the way - but if you can action that within two minutes and find a resolution then the rule is, you just do it, just get it done because having 30 of those items, or 10 of those items even, 10 two minute items, you can just bang them out as you go, or they start to build up and accumulate then we get that same sense of feeling overwhelmed. A lot of people treat their inbox as their To-Do list and we have items on there from 5 days ago, 10 days ago, 3 months ago¸ and if we really look at it, there are things that we can action straight away. So every time something quick comes into your inbox or phone, if it takes less than two minutes you just need to action it. So that’s the Two Minute Rule.

 

Make sure you use your Due-From-Others list – it’s been amazing for any times I’ve needed to get some follow up on an item that I have created or I’m waiting for something on. Also, obviously, the main part of this video is to show you about the major projects which is the overarching theme of what you want to get done; the master actions which are all of the individual steps; and then from there prioritise; and create your To-Do-Now list.

 

Hope this helps. If you need any help, jump over to haydenwilson.com.au . Otherwise, I’ll see you on the next video. Ciao.

Learning Self Awareness (Essential For Any Leader)

Self Awareness is an often forgotten about trait that holds back many leaders and potential leaders. Before you can actively pursue your dreams, you need to be able to objectively look at what you are and what you're NOT good at.

Only those with high self awareness can take their careers, life and relationships to the next level.

Enjoy.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9-TkKHDuF4


Listen on the Podcast

https://soundcloud.com/hayden-wilson-415898380/learn-share-grow-episode-13-you-week-developing-self-awareness


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Learn Share Grow live with Hayden Wilson.

This is Episode 13 and today we’re talking all about developing your own self awareness and this is something that I think a lot of people need to work on and I’m saying that from a realistic point of view as we’re going to find out in this video where we’re going to find out what is actually real versus what we feel, or emotions.

Basically the premise behind self awareness is that everyone sees themselves in a certain way or from their own point of view. There are two selfs – the way you see yourself and then we’ve got the actual reality.

Our goal is to merge these two people, what you perceive yourself as and the actual reality - our goal is to make that into one. Now the hard thing about it, and the reason why most people struggle with self awareness, it is uncomfortable when you get feelings, it’s scary, you’re in a vulnerable position when you’re in this growth area.

A ton of people, 90% of people as I’ve been saying all week, will sit in this comfort zone. To grow, you need to be out in this growth area and that’s scary, you feel vulnerable, you feel exposed, you feel weak.

There are a ton of different things, strategies that we can work on to turn these weaknesses into strengths. So the first thing that I want you to do is take a good hard look at yourself and write a list of things that you are good at. And then we’re going to write a list that we’re not so good at.

Having this realistic view is going to help put everything into perspective and help us decide what we actually need to work on to get better because that is the end goal.

A lot of people may be scared or frustrated at this process but you don’t need to be because in the end, what you’re trying to do is improve yourself. Just say you’re good at having high confidence, you’re a quite positive person, you’re quite organised, you’re talented and you’re trustworthy.

While on the opposite side of the spectrum you’re trying to achieve a task and you realise that there are specific actions that need to be taken inside of that and you might realise that maybe you’re not that good at communicating, or you’re not that good at sales, or empathy and your listening skills aren’t that top notch.

The hardest thing that is going to be possible for you is to just realise this. As soon as you can realise what you’re not good at we can start to put in practices that make you better. In communication, there are a ton of books I can recommend on becoming a better communicator.

Sales courses, sales seminars, online material – there’s so much stuff that you can work on yourself to get better at sales. Empathy – listening, actively listening in a conversation rather than just waiting for your turn to speak – there is a lot of material on both these items, both empathy and listening that I can share with you to improve these skills. I’ve got a couple of strategies here that I want to share with you to improve your self awareness.

One that I’ve been practising is reflective journaling. So each morning I’ll get up and it sounds a bit 'woo woo' but this is just the process and it’s worked wonders with me and others who I’ve recommended it to, is that you reflect back on your day yesterday – what were your struggles, what do you need help with, what were your frustrations.

You write them out and you start thinking about them, and then you start to identify the weaknesses that come with that. If we were on the phone and we couldn’t close a phone sale, then we can write that down – I was frustrated, why didn’t I close the sale, keep asking yourself the question why, dig deeper. Why didn’t I close the sale – oh, because I’m not confident on the phone – okay, cool. Now that we know that communication and confidence might be an issue let’s then start to put in practices to make ourselves better with confidence and a better communicator. I also want you to not forget that a lot of our decisions are based around avoidance and not doing the hard work because to be honest, this is the hard stuff, this is the stuff that 90% of people don’t want to do. They don’t want to admit that they have low communication skills or that they’re bad at sales, and that’s why they’ll always sit down here, but if you want to elevate yourself, the best thing you can do, is get better at what you’re bad at.

Another thing you need to do is to remove your ego. I’ve always found that the best strategy for this is to always just continuously ask yourself - what’s the reality? I got this from Brian Tracey, in one of his audio programs he’s constantly asking himself what is the reality? because it doesn’t matter what you feel or what you think, if you look at it objectively, take all that stuff out of it, and look at the statistics or data, and objectively take a look at it. Yep, this is the reality, I’m bad at this and these are the steps I can implement to get better at it.

The third thing that you can do, is to constantly seek feedback and this is a big one because there are lot of precious people, and I say that with the utmost respect, because I used to be scared of feedback but when you realise the feedback is coming from a place of love and you’re asking the right people that do see you in both high stress situations and your normal life situations.

When you ask them for constructive criticism and areas that we need to work on and throw in a couple of things that you’re quite good at, they can use that sort of sandwich approach, you can start to achieve a much better result and build that self awareness of how other people see you. You can start to realise that this person, sorry my connection keeps weakening, so if I cut out I apologise, but just constantly seek feedback, ask friends, family, people you have worked with previously or you’re going to work with, ask them how they’re feeling and what they perceive of you so far.

So I hope this helps. If there are any questions or the audio has been a bit hazy on this video just let me know and I’ll re-record part of it, but other than that, if you can develop your own self awareness you’re light years ahead of many, many people.

Thanks for watching and good luck.

Any questions, haydenwilson.com.au.

Ciao.

 

Developing Self Confidence

Episode 12 of Learn Share Grow where you are going to learn specific tactics for self confidence. How can you achieve what the super performs achieve?

The answer is a definitive YES.

Find out how in today's video.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7oeYolJdHU


Listen on the Podcast

https://soundcloud.com/hayden-wilson-415898380/learn-share-grow-episode-12-you-week-developing-self-confidence


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hayden Wilson here and welcome to Learn Share Grow live.

This is Episode 12 and today we’re talking all about how you can develop self confidence and start to become a wiser person and be able to put yourself out into different situations and have that confidence internally that you can perform and back up what you’re talking about with results.

So basically I’ve broken down self confidence down into four main areas – the attitude that you compose yourself; the purpose of why you’re actually living on this planet; the action that you take; and the results that you get.

These four things alone are going to help develop your self confidence on and on, so you can start to achieve greater things.

The first thing I want to talk about is your attitude. Basically, there are two different types of attitude. You can either have a positive attitude where you’re thinking in abundance and there are opportunities out there for you, or you can think inside of a negative attitude where it’s a scarcity and there’s people out there trying to hurt you.

The two different things to bring up here, are the positive versus the negative. There’s an old tale of a man who has two wolves on his shoulders and a guy says to this guru “How do you develop self confidence? You’re a very confident person - how do you shut out the negativity?”

He goes well basically it’s like I have two wolves, one is the positive wolf and one is the negative wolf. The guy asks, “Well, how do you choose, who decides who’s going to lead the charge?” and he answers, “Well it’s the one I feed”. So what I want you to do is instead of feeding your wolf or your brain or the activities you do, I want them to be positive and start doing more positive things in the world, rather than focussing on the negative.

The second thing I want to talk about here to develop your self confidence is your purpose. What are you actually doing day-to-day? How can you bring more value into this world? Who are you targeting – who are the specific people that you are getting results for? Where are you providing value - are you able to coach people or are you selling cars and solving a problem there? All this revolves around solving a problem – which we are going to get into soon. And also why, why are you doing this – are you living congruently? This is a very important question because if you’re not, and deep down you know that you’re not doing something that you want to do or you feel is right, is it ethical?  If you’re not in congruency with your why, self confidence is next to impossible to adhere to and continue on.

The third point here – and guys, if you have any questions, chuck them over in the right hand side – the third thing I want to talk about here is action and this is the biggest one I believe because if you can take action then the momentum starts and the self confidence will come. So I what I need you to do, the first thing as a part of taking action is to set some goals.

You need to know where you’re going before you can start to realise how you’re going to get there. The second thing is to stick to your priorities. I spoke yesterday about self discipline and how you need to have priorities and if you can have the focus to start and finish one sole task before you move onto the next one you’re light years ahead of 99% of the population who jump from thing to thing and never effectively or efficiently get one thing done. So if you can master sticking to your priorities you’re going to leverage that and start creating waves in whatever industry you’re in.

The third thing you need to do, is relentlessly review and repeat this process. So when you finish a task, from start to finish as we previously discussed, you need to go back and say what worked and what didn’t work and we’re going to talk a little bit more about self awareness later in the week.

I want you to review what you actually did, how were the results and what can you do differently, and then repeat that process with those new improved changes.

Having the habit of action is going to propel you much further forward. The last thing that I want to talk about here is when you’re developing your self confidence, if you can get results this boosts you – it’s almost like a super charger – to how you can affect the world.

The first part of getting results is obviously your results for others. How are you helping others achieve? How are you bringing more value into the world from them bringing more value into the world? If you are a trainer, your results speak for themselves. Are you getting people in shape, are you getting them fitter, are they better athletes, are they happier people. All these are results that affect externally – other people showing off your results. The other thing is, I want you to set results for yourself. What does it mean for you to be successful?

To build this self confidence you need to be looking at “What am I actually measuring here? Do I want to earn $10,000 a month, do I want to be a millionaire, do I want to have 10 coaching clients, do I want to have 100 coaching clients?” You need to get clear on exactly what results mean to you because once you can hit those targets that’s what going to build that confidence.

Without knowing it, it’s like having goal posts and someone keeps moving them – you don’t know where the target is, so how are you going to get effectively into that zone and achieve results, because you don’t even know yourself what you’re doing. So you need to set goals to measure yourself against, and know exactly where those goals are.

These are the four things – if there are any questions chuck them over on the right hand side – the four things that you need to do to develop your self confidence, and of course there are more, these are the four most important that I’ve found, are having the right attitude – keeping the attitude positive; knowing what your purpose is – asking what, who, when, why you’re actually doing things; getting the habit action; and sticking to your results, setting your goals, reviewing and repeating that process; and lastly, looking at the results you are actually getting for others, and then measuring that against your own benchmarks and what you actually want to achieve.

If you can do these four things I guarantee you that your self confidence will be boosted.

So good luck and, if you have any questions jump over to haydenwilson.com.au and otherwise,

I’ll see you tomorrow.

Ciao.

Delayed Gratification and Our Future Selves

Welcome to Episode 10 of Learn Share Grow.  The whole week we have been learning about Willpower and how it can affect our decision making. In this episode we cover delayed discounting, we break down the marshmallow test to see what it means for those who fail 10 years on, and we also cover you vs you 2.0!

I also explain how you can win your copy of one of the best books I've ever read....watch until the end to find out how you can win.

***Youtube has apparently taken down my video for now.....If it doesn't re-appear, the podcast link works :)***


 

https://youtu.be/P-PpI-mX4jk


Listen on the Podcast

https://soundcloud.com/hayden-wilson-415898380/lsg-episode-10-willpower-delayed-gratification-and-our-future-selves


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Learn Share Grow live with Hayden Wilson. This is Episode 10 which marks the end of Willpower week and it’s been a great journey so far – we’ve looked into why we exhibit certain behaviours and the differences between our self control muscles and how we work on those - and start to get better results in our life.

Today I’m going to be sharing something about delayed gratification with you and also something really interesting on how our mind plays tricks on us and believes that this is a future self, a different person. I’ll get into that a little bit later on.

The first thing I want to discuss with you here today is what’s called delayed discounting. Scientists have proven that when they did a study on chimpanzees versus humans from Harvard, they found – and these weren’t just everyday chimpanzees, they were chimpanzees from the Wolfgang Kohler Chimpanzee clan, an Institute in Germany - the humans and the chimpanzees were given the choice of having two M&M’s or six M&M’s if they waited two minutes.

Results found with the chimpanzees they could delay their gratification 72% of the time and indeed receive the six. What was really interesting though, was with the humans, if you can take a guess – 19%. It’s crazy to think of this number, when we know, it’s only two minutes that we can receive these treats but that’s just human behaviour.

It’s so mind boggling to think why this happens, but this is the process of delayed discounting. The thing is, this was only the case when the gratification was immediate, when it was seen - they knew that they could get that result.

Once they put those M&M’s in front of the humans that’s when it really started to kick in and the scarcity mindset started happening and they decided yes, I need these now rather than waiting. The thing with the delayed discounting is the longer the wait for the reward, the less it’s actually worked. The further you put it out into the future, the less it becomes worth to us as human beings. So how can we start to reduce our delayed discounting?

The first trick that you might like to try is to put it out of sight, out of mind.   For example, just say you have some lollies or treats on your desk, it’s been proven that just by simply moving that item into the drawer underneath or putting it out of sight, it will reduce the number of times you’ll give into your cravings and actually eat that treat. Or maybe it’s a pack of cigarettes on your desk and if you move it and put it out of sight then you can start to get better results. These are just small things that we can try.

The second thing I want you try is to use the 10 minute rule. The 10 minute time is perfect because it tricks your brain – what you’re delaying is further enough into the future for you to start thinking about the consequences of what you are about to do. So when you’re using those 10 minutes I want you to think of your end goal and go through it – is this something that I really want to do and how will this affect my results at the end of my challenge.

That’s for people who say I won’t do this, I will give up smoking, blah blah blah. For someone who wants to start exercising, start going to the gym, they can use the reverse method of this and say, I will get started, I will do 10 minutes and use the 10 minute rule in that way.

So if you can’t get up and go for a run, just say I’m going to go for a 10 minute walk and you’ll find, that quite often, once you start going for that walk that 10 minutes is nothing and then you push it out. Scientists proved in studies that this happened with someone who was smoking cigarettes - he started off with 10 minutes, then after that 10 minutes was up he started setting himself additional challenges – he’s got through the first 10 minutes, maybe I can do 5 minutes more.

So of course I know we all have to be realistic and we can’t be perfect all of the time but these are just a couple of little strategies that you might like to try.   The second thing that still works into the delayed discounting is this fascinating test – you may have heard of it – it’s called the marshmallow test.

It’s very popular in psychology and a few different books, and obviously in the areas of willpower, and that’s why we’re talking about it. A guy by the name of Walter Mischel, in the 1960’s got a few 4 year olds together and started to do this test with them. They could have one marshmallow now, or two in fifteen minutes. The fascinating part about this is – and they’ve recreated this, you can watch it on YouTube – it’s so funny watching these kids, they cover their eyes, or put it out of sight and try all these little tricks.

Ten years on from this, Mischel followed up with them, and found that the kids that delayed were more popular, they had better results at school and they responded better to stress. This is great but when you compare it many years later with those who had the immediate gratification bug, they found that smoking and drinking increased, they had more chance of being on drugs, their gambling was up, their savings for retirement were down, they were more prone to participating in unprotected sex, and they procrastinated more.

So it’s amazing to see the differences between two different people and how we can tell, from such an early age, and from such a simple test, such as choosing a marshmallow and delaying that gratification, it’s amazing to see to see the results from that many years on from that. So how can we lower this discount rate?

When you’re in that situation and you’re not quite sure, and you really want to, and you think you are going to break this habit of being good, I want you to think of yourself enjoying the reward – whether that be if you’re saving money, I want you to imagine you’re on that holiday already, or you’re flying first class, or you’re jumping in a pool, and enjoying the actual experience.

Or maybe you’ve got a six pack and you’re really fit, imagine yourself, you’ve got the six pack, who’s surrounding you – think of all these options of what you are going to achieve when you’re not going to break, and will stick to all your plan. The second thing I want you to do is consider both options, fully and completely.

What is going to happen if I immediately gratify myself now and participate in this behaviour or what’s going to happen if I don’t and I reach my end goal quicker. I want you to stop and think about the entire process. Then the last thing you need to do is ask yourself, after you’ve done these two steps of thinking about enjoying it and also looking at both options, is it still really worth it, to participate in that.

The third point that I’m bringing up today – and we’re going to announce a big give-away at the end of this video, so keep watching – the third point here I want to bring up, is what’s called the future self – and this is fascinating.

What they’ve found is there’s you in the present and then what they call 'You 2.0', which is you in the future.   What studies have found is that the future you has a decreased chance of stress, has less anxiety, you are more organised, have higher motivation, your pain tolerance is up and you make better decisions and this is still you, just the perception of yourself in the future.

This is also why we get so excited and pumped up for goals that we set, because we see ourselves as being different in the future - we’ll have more time to be able to work on our different goals, we’ll be different people in our lives. To wrap an example around this, students were surveyed and in the now, they were told they could give 27 minutes worth of tutoring for the term.

Then when they found that their future selves in the next term they could give 85 minutes of tutoring - a huge difference, nearly 3.5 times what they are now to what they thought they could do.

But the truth is, nothing’s going to be different in the future unless you change it. So why does this happen? It happens because in the brain there are two different parts and they basically act as two independent cogs on a wheel because one is making the decisions for now and one is making decisions for the future.

So you’ve got your now self and your future self. There are a couple of different things you can do to fix this.

The first thing I want you to do is imagine your future self. So imagine what you need to change to get you to that point. Most likely, it’s to stay on track and hit the goals that you’re currently trying to hit. I also want you to realise that nothing can be different in the future unless we change it.

The second thing that you can do – there are services out there that you can email, it’s been going since 2003 – it can send you a reminder date for a time in the future – and you can decide that on 31/12/2017 I want to receive an email from my future self saying congratulations for hitting these goals. This is a hugely popular technique that goal setters like Brian Tracey use, and it’s amazing to have these services available to us where you can actually get a future email sent to you on that exact date.

Just before we finish up I want to – and while I’m talking about this - leave a question in the right hand side there – all week we’ve been talking about willpower – I want to let you know that we all need to be realistic and none of us have an amazing willpower, well some of us do and some of us don’t, but it’s not a competition, you need to realise that everyone’s at different stages, but we can all get there. Like I’ve mentioned all week, it’s a muscle and I’ve given you strategies and if you haven’t quite picked up on some of them, feel free to go back or shoot me an email and you can realise that everyone has the same capability.

You can work up to, it’s not too far gone but let’s just be realistic about it. Don’t set goals that are so far ahead of yourself that you’re destined to fail. Set realistic goals and have that plan in place so that when it does come around we can mitigate the damage and actually get done what we need to get done.

All right, now it’s time for the announcement. (promotion expires 25/2/16)

I’m going to flip my board – first time that I’ve done this – flip my board like this. What I’m doing is a give-away. I’ll zoom in. We have the most amazing resource that I’ve quoted and this is one of my favourite books ever. It’s the ‘Willpower Instinct’ by Kelly Mcgonigal – that book right there.

I have three copies in my possession, ready to give away and I’ll be sending them out worldwide, to wherever you are living, as long as you adhere to these simple rules. I want you to share this video. I want you to like my page on Facebook which is FB.com/IAMHAYDENWILSON.

And then what I want you to do is tell me one thing that you have learnt this week from Willpower Week on Learn Share Grow. Once you do that, I will pick it up. Feel free to send me a message on Facebook or email me at [email protected] but this is basically how you are going to get this amazing resource.

Kelly McGonigal has done a fantastic job and it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read – I’ve been through it about 4 – 6 times in reading form and then I’ve listened to it maybe 6 or 7 times as well, unbelievable resource. If you have any questions chuck them on over on the left hand side. Otherwise I’ll catch you all next week.

I hope you’ve enjoyed Willpower Week and you’ve got some strategies to learn from this, from Kelly and from the other sources that I share.

If catch you all next time.

Ciao.

Willpower and Smart Decision Making

In this episode of Learn Share Grow I take you through a concept called Moral Licensing (which can often sabotage our efforts without us even knowing).  We cover 'tomorrow based thinking' and then also speak about what is called the 'Halo Effect'. Sneak Peak: Those who buy chocolate for charity end up eating more...not so good if your goal is to lose weight.

Learn how to avoid these mistakes and flex the willpower muscle with these easy to follow and actionable strategies.


https://youtu.be/wJqxUEuAkAc


Listen on the Podcast

<insert podcast play here>


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Learn Share Grow live with Hayden Wilson. This is Episode 8 and today on the show we’re going to be talking all about willpower and I want to take you through 3 things that are going to effect the decisions that you make in your life, and I’m going to provide a couple of strategies around that to mitigate the damage that it makes and just give you a bit more awareness on why you are making certain decisions so we can start to plan around that.

The first principle that I want to outline to you is what scientists have called moral licensing – so let’s get the zooming going here – so what the moral licensing is, as you see a little picture of a devil and a little angel man is when we do something good it gives us the perception that just because we’ve been good that we can perhaps start to do something that is rewarding to us which is quite damaging if we’re potentially trying to be on a diet or if we’re trying to save money, and we’re trying to do the right thing but all of a sudden we have a mishap and it doesn’t work out well for us.

So what we’ve got is, scientists have found that those who stop shopping and restrict themselves during a shopping process say when they’re buying clothes, end up eating more later. You’ve got the extra work hours at work and then what they found is that tends to increase the spending on the company credit card.

This is called moral licensing because they are licensing themselves to benefit themselves later on because of all the hard work they’ve done previously. In order to fix this moral licensing dilemma there’s a couple of things that we want to go past.

The first thing is I want you to be aware of when you’re making decisions, who you’re trying to please. Is it internal or is it external? Are you trying to please yourself who wants to reach your goals or are you trying to please your immediate self, your immediate gratification?

To do this, we must always remember our why – why are we doing it? And it always comes back to that – I’m going to speak a lot about the why and I already have in the previous couple of episodes on willpower but it’s such a bit underlying factor that we always need to know why we’re doing something because that gives us long term benefits as opposed to trying to get that immediate gratification.

The second thing I want to share with you is to focus on your progress rather than the completion of the smaller tasks. So you may have the feeling to reward yourself for doing something small and having a small win, but what you need to do is realise that this is just one small step in the bigger process. So be aware that just because you do something good doesn’t mean that you can blow your entire food budget, or maybe your monetary budget – just be aware.

The second theory that I want to present to you is what they call ‘tomorrow based thinking’, or not they, I actually believe that I have presented this. Tomorrow based thinking is a theory where you perceive your tomorrow’s self as a better, much better citizen, you think that you’re going to save more money, you think you’re going to be more productive, it’s this whole that that your tomorrow is going to be a better person, and what you need to realise is it’s not, and planning your time effectively is one of the strategies we’re going to go through.

But, you don’t have more time tomorrow and you won’t have more energy tomorrow – that’s all just in the perception of your mind.

To fix tomorrow based thinking you want to think of a strategy that has worked really well for smokers is, if I want to continue smoking I have to match the amount of smokes I smoke today.So if on one day you smoked 10 cigarettes, by the time you think about having your 11th, you think well, can I match this tomorrow because that’s the consequences of my actions.

So then you start thinking more longer term and all of a sudden it’s not just one more extra cigarette, it’s one more cigarette for every day of my life beyond this. And that’s worked really well for a bunch of different habits, including alcohol – that kind of thing, spending. Another thing that you can do is set time based rewards.

One particular story was where a man ate a lot of meat, a large amount of protein and animal fats, salmon steaks, all that stuff right, chicken – and he realised having all this bacon and saturated fats – even though animal fats in regular doses can be good for you – but he was eating just much too much and he knew.

What he did, was instead of banning himself and if he had a meaty dish for breakfast, instead of telling himself this was a bad day and screwing up the entire day, he started implementing a strategy where he would eat vegetarian until 6 o’clock and then beyond 6 o’clock he could eat whatever he wants. So this could apply in your life if you’re deep into eating a high simple carbohydrate diet or eating a lot of simple sugars. What you want to do, is tell yourself that between when you wake up and say 5 o’clock, you’re going to eat clean, or eat a certain way, then beyond 5 o’clock you can start to implement and reward yourself based on a time based metric.

The third thing that I want to present to you here today is what they call the halo effect.

The halo effect is you making skewed choices because of the initial choice that you’ve made and what they’ve found with this in particular, is choosing a healthy main is perceived as healthy and the consequences of this decision is it raises how much dessert you’ll eat, it raises that you’ll order extra drinks and it raises that you will order more side dishes.

So what else can it be applied to? They’ve found that when you order a cheese burger and a salad, people perceive that by having the salad on top of the burger, it’s actually less calories. Don’t ask me how it works, but this is what they found from the footage or from the research. So it was actually about 100 calories less because they added a salad because they perceived that it was healthier, you know, I’m making an unhealthy decision with the burger but the halo effect tells me I’m doing a good thing by ordering the salad.

Another example is when we buy chocolate for charity we end up eating more ourselves We think we’re doing a good thing by buying it for charity but if you’re trying to give up chocolate it’s a very bad idea because you end up eating more yourself.

To fix the halo effect we need to be aware of – I call the marketing strategies that businesses are putting out there – so in the nineties we saw a lot of fat free things and that ended up with a large over indulgence of non-fat foods, but what they did, they replaced that with carbohydrates – so we need to be aware of the trends that are happening within our market place. A huge one right now is the organic, or the gluten free epidemic I’ll call it.

Because a lot of people believe that just because something is gluten free that they can all of a sudden, over indulge and because of a misunderstanding with what gluten actually is, for some reason they think that it’s sugar free and so it’s an over indulgence of calories.

The second strategy that you can implement is to set a limit and stick to it. So don’t get addicted to buying that extra amount and even though, just say you’re trying to save money, it sounds like a great discount, to be able to get 2 for 1, or you might see at the end of your receipt after you guy groceries, you’ve saved $62.

So you feel good for saving the money, but this is money that if you’d set yourself a budget, you weren’t supposed to spend anyway. So just being aware is the main thing I want you to concentrate on as you go through this week.

Three things to remember here as we wrap up this video quite quickly, is no. 1 – I’ve been harping on it all video – be aware, a good deed doesn’t equal a reward. Make sure you understand your why and start thinking longer term.

The second thing I want you to do is practice being realistic with your time. When we go back into the tomorrow based thinking be aware that your tomorrow’s self is going to be no different so start allocating time blocks to various parts of your life and understanding that we’re all human, we can get this much done today and this much done tomorrow, as opposed to trying to stack an entire module of things on the next day and procrastinating in the current day.

The third thing is, don’t justify your poor decisions – just be aware of why you’re doing it.

If there are any questions, chuck them in the comments box there, otherwise jump over to haydenwilson.com.au/lsg and you can see all the videos from this week and all the videos from last week.

I’m going to be sharing a bunch of resources at the end of the week and I’ve got a big surprise on Friday so I hope you join me then.

Any questions please email them to me here.

Ciao.

LSG Episode 7: Willpower - How to Recharge and Flexing the Willpower Muscle.

In this episode of Learn Share Grow I want to share with you some simple strategies you can implement to not only recharge your Willpower, but also learn the best ways to grow new willpower (it's like a muscle, see). All based off science but explained in a way that MAKES sense.  No mumbo jumbo and completely actionable content.

Enjoy!


https://youtu.be/6QOIZO2ntcU


Listen on the Podcast

https://soundcloud.com/hayden-wilson-415898380/lsg-episode-7-willpower-willpower-recharge-and-flexing-the-muscle


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Alrighty, Ladies and Gentlemen. Hayden Wilson here and welcome to Learn Share Grow live.

This is Episode 7 and this week we are learning all about willpower and how you can start embracing it to bring out your best self, and start to apply the discipline within your life that you know you have, you’re just not really sure how it all incorporates.

This is exactly what I’m going through all week and on today’s video I’m taking you through how we can recharge our willpower and also explaining a little bit more about how willpower is actually a muscle and that if we flex it we can start to learn and grow.

So I’ll take you through a few strategies to recharge that willpower and also that flexing and build it up. What I want to do first is take you through a small scenario. If I grab the camera here and turn it around.

What we’re going to see first off, and for those listening, to go through my story, this is the whole situation. The way the brain works is, we have a piece of cheesecake and a guy looking up – this is most likely me, back in the day, really looking forward to that piece of strawberry cheesecake. What this does, it’s a biological response, and it shoots up dopamine which is the happiness response drug within our brain.

Our brain then sneakily drops our blood sugar levels helping us believe that we do actually need the cheesecake and that’s because our brain there, is going fix this. From this situation we basically have two choices.

Choice 1 is to look at our ‘why’. Why are we doing this? And we can charge this choice by having a strong willpower and flexing our muscle. The second choice we can make is to give in and that is only going to do damage in the long run. Of course we’re all human but if you want to achieve the best result possible we need to develop strategies that we can always start choosing our why and have more of an emphasis on the overall plan.

The thing that scientists have found is that one of the best predictors of how much willpower we actually have isn’t based on our feelings, because that’s actually incorrect. Those who think they have the best willpower end up having the worst willpower in actual practice because they don’t have a plan. They think that possibly, and not in an arrogant way, they think that they’re above having a plan so they think that they don’t need it.

But they actually do, everyone needs a plan for what’s going to happen when the crisis hits. And the best predictor of this is to have heart rate variability. So to give you an idea of what can be achieved when we have a better heart rate variability we’ve found that there’s an increase in sleep, you sleep better, exercise more, you tend to choose healthier foods to eat and have better nutrition, you enjoy more times with your friends, quality time that is, you are more likely to exhibit in religious practice, going to church and whatnot, and you are also are found to get more relaxation out of meditation. All these things can help achieve a better heart rate variability and thus help with our willpower.

The next concept that I want to explain to you is all about, what I call, the willpower battery. So basically, with anything to do with willpower we have what I call a battery and everything, our decisions and the choices that we make basically either charge this battery or they drain it.

And the way that it works is with willpower each decision that we make means that we have less self control. The reason for this is that because when we do have to make a decision and exhibit our self control our blood sugar levels drop, like in the cheesecake situation.

Low blood sugar levels means less energy for self control because we need the glucose and the body needs it for other areas and our mind starts ticking over and wants to use that resource. So as a result of having less self control from the lower blood sugar our brain seems to think a lot more in short term and he wants to decide why you’re actually exhibiting these certain behaviour and start acting on impulses rather than going forward with your plan.

So what I want to do now, is take you through a few strategies that can help you charge your willpower so you can have more throughout the day and then I’m going to, well you can tell that draining the willpower is tough decisions and exercising that self control.

So if I take you in again, just close up camera here, basically we can recharge our willpower with a few different strategies. I’ve got 3 here to share with you. The first one is through exercise. When we exercise we have found that we have a decrease in depression, a decrease in craving and a decrease in smoking. These are all the habits that we can exhibit when we start to perform exercise more regularly – that little guy, dead lifting there.

The second, and this is extremely, well I exhibited this behaviour just last week, if you can sleep more. Having less sleep, or if you don’t get enough sleep, glucose absorption, the body’s main – the brain’s main use of energy, it’s the main energy source, is, if you don’t get enough sleep, it’s actually blocked and it’s useless to try and fix it with sugary treats that your body’s craving. Or even caffeine because we have what’s called mild pre-frontal cortex dysfunction.

Now that’s getting quite scientific but if you really look at it no sleep equals a disconnect with the brain means your stress goes up, you make poor decisions and your self control goes down. The third thing I want to share with you is with a breathing technique. There’s not that many quick fixes that will help with willpower, but this is one of them.

By exhibiting your willpower of breaths in and out, 4 – 6 breaths per minute which is about 15 second exhales, has found that it increases the heart rate variability, it activates your pre-frontal cortex to make your decision making better in the moment, and what it also does is give a much better feeling of self control.

So while you’re in a situation where you might really want to have an unhealthy treat, by having this breathing technique you have control over your breath and this is used in a lot of meditation circles because there are a lot of things that we can’t control, but breathing is obviously something that we can control so by having that feeling back we can start to realise that yes, we can control whether we go up and purchase that unhealthy treat or whether we lie on the couch.

So now we’ve talked about some different ways to recharge willpower, I want to take you through some strategies to strengthen that willpower in the first place so there’s less frequency of situations or crises occurring.

What they’ve found are there are a couple of different ways, and I’m going to take you through a couple of easy ways, and then I’m going to take you through quite a more advanced way, but it’s going to have great results as well. So the first thing that science has discovered is that by doing small tasks that are somewhat difficult have been found not too difficult. I’m going to take you through a couple of examples.

By doing this it trains us that when the crisis does happen, to start making the more difficult decision, rather than just acting on our impulses. For example, you might like to try this week, to start brushing your teeth with the opposite hand. So if you’re right handed just brush your teeth with your left hand.

Another example is, instead of using your right hand to open doors, start using your left hand. These are all small but achievable tasks that give you that feeling of control and that feeling of strength when hard decisions do have to be made. The harder of these strategies, they’ve found that it works better but of course, there could be slip ups along the way, which is understandable, is by resisting and then strengthening, so it’s a double process.

So what they’ve found is, they had one of the guys exhibit in a test where he’s a writer and he’s working in his home office and he’d go from the lounge room to the kitchen to the bedroom and just in between. And he put a bowl of M&M’s in one certain spot that he knew he would walk past – he had a chocolate addiction. By detouring past and going to his doorway – he had one of those doorway pull-up machines - he found that not only did he start resisting but he felt a lot stronger because he was exhibiting his willpower in a positive way and strengthening it.

So that’s what I want you try out this week. If you feel like your willpower is just developing and start with baby steps I would suggest you start using your left hand to open doors or start trying to write your signature with your left hand, just for example, and a choosing harder option, even though it’s an easy situation, but choosing the harder option of the two.

If you feel nice and strong, then definitely try putting out a candy bar or a Mars bar right in the fridge where you can see it first thing and then resist that, and then do something positive – maybe drop down and do 50 or so push ups, or 20 push ups, anything to get you started. Alex has just mentioned that he needs to get one of those pull up bars, yes – it’s a strategy that can work very well.

Just before we go on to what to do when a crisis hits, I want to talk a bit more about how sleep can affect our decision making and this mild pre-frontal cortex dysfunction.

Basically, last week I was on a 14 day streak and if you don’t know, I’m a former competitive eater and I do have a tendency, I’m very good at eating bulk foods, and I had a tendency to eat quite bad foods in certain situations and what I found was that after 14 days of perfect nutrition, I was getting 7-8 hours of sleep, I was really productive and when I started to move forward, I had a really late night. I wanted to go to the beach in the morning and I ended up getting 4 hours sleep. So to go from 7 - 8 hours and down to 4 hours, is – I was hungry all day, I was craving crap and I started drinking a lot of coffee – and it just didn’t help, no matter what. I had like 4 coffees, before it was say 2 o’clock, 3 or 4 coffees before it was 2 o’clock and for the whole day I was resisting really hard to not eat something bad.

In the end, to be completely honest, at the end of the day, I did have some junk food which I would say, before I knew the footage, I would be disappointed in myself, but now that I can tell from the research what was actually happening it gives me a much better insight into how we can control it next time.

So, by having that late night and not having enough sleep it made me crave these bad foods but like I mentioned before, no matter how much bad food I was craving nothing would satisfy, even if I gave into that bad food, because the glucose receptors in the brain are quite low and they’re not ready, they’re not available to take in the glucose that you’re feeding them.

So don’t even bother eating the stuff because it’s not going to be worth it and it doesn’t do anything.

Now I want to take you through (if I switch the camera to here) and this is quite a long video, thank you for joining there Daniel and Chris, and Alex, what we’re found is, I’m going to give you some strategies to what to do when the crisis hits. So the first thing I’ve got there is the slow breathing, 4 - 6 breaths per minute, 15 second exhale, the second thing I want you to remember is know your “why”, your want power.

We talked about want power in the first video – if you haven’t seen it, jump over to haydenwilson.com.au and learn more about the want power. The next thing I want you to do is push through exhaustion. So basically, what they’ve found is most exhaustion is actually faux exhaustion and when you think that you can’t go on, I want you to put something in there, a reward, remember why you’re doing it and look at the reward, and you can just push through.

Use that mental power and those barriers to really upskill your motivation. And the last thing is to actually resist sugar. Like I mentioned back in this first part, what actually happens, is the blood sugar drops and if you give in, the blood sugar will spike back up, but then it will crash even harder so even if you do give in to the sugar treat, it’s actually going to make it worse in the long run and that’s how we get diabetes and other sugar based illnesses like that. Sorry, I don’t play a doctor, but that’s just what they’ve found from the research.

So these are some challenges, I’ve got 5 little challenges here that you can join in. Alex, I’ll get to your question in a second, but you’ve got challenges to help. This week what I want you to do, and this is all going to help your willpower, is exercise more, and they have found that there’s no limit, or minimum exercise. It’s just getting out there, a 5 or 10 minute walk in the forest, or you might want to jump on the treadmill for a 5 minute song.

There are so many small techniques that you can implement. Get more sleep, that’s a huge one. Everyone should be getting, and I know that there are a lot of people that do talk about betting 2 - 3 hours sleep per night and that’s fine if it works for you, but for most people, we’ve really got to get that sleep and I’m going to do a lot more videos on the importance of sleep because it does affect the decisions that we make, and it starts to affect other areas of our life – that’s a story for another day.

I also want you to change one small thing. I’ve got the ‘flossing’ and ‘no more bread’ so that’s a small trick that you can use to give you that feeling of power and like we spoke about last week, the keystone habits – these are 2 small things that you can change and by doing those things you can have a flow on affect. If you want to learn more, definitely go back and check out ‘Habits Week’.

I want you to start eating a more stable diet.

Like we mentioned with the blood sugar drops, by not allowing your blood sugar to drop you will be less susceptible to give in to those easy, of course it’s easy to eat crap, it tastes good because our brain registers that – the sugars and the grains and all the easy to eat foods that we love, the high fat foods, of course that is delicious and our brain loves that stuff (sorry I got a phone call half way through) but what we need to be aware of is, that by eating a stable diet you’re a lot more aware and you’re blood sugar levels are going to just be stagnant rather than going up and down. The last thing that you need to do is push yourself, and this is an advanced technique, and this is what I talked about here with the resisting, you do want to be able to resist something that you know you’ve been trying to put off, and that’s really going to help.

So I’m going to get to a couple of questions now.

Alex has written in – if you’ve got a question just chuck it in the text.

Alex has written “Do you physically write down your why to review when a crisis hits or do you just think about it during deep breathing?”

What I do is, I have a plan ahead of time and I’ve already written it down but it’s not something that I actively write every single time, or every single day I write it in my goals or anything like that. I just know deep down what my why is, it’s part of – I’m not going to get into goal setting – but it’s part of my goals, you know, not only are these goals that I’m going to eat healthy or exhibit these behaviours during this period, and that includes not having the cheesecake, or I will allow myself one cheat meal per week, and I can exhibit that behaviour during that specific time.

So I hope that answers your question, but definitely, during the deep breathing all I want you to think about is the breathing, I don’t want you to think about different decisions – just think about the breath – and you can control that and that’s something that you need to be able to embrace – inhale and exhale, that type of thing.

If anyone else has any questions – this is the longest video to date, 17 minutes, it’s out of control – but any other questions, just chuck them over there or you’re more than welcome to send me an email or visit my website. All that information is available at haydenwilson.com.au.

Thanks for joining me and I’d love it if you could share this video with anyone that you think could use some help with willpower and of course, you can ‘Live Subscribe’ with that button up here somewhere that will give an alert when I bring out new videos.

I love doing this and I love sharing and of course, you sharing it with your network and tagging it with close friends and people that could benefit from it, is going to greatly help what I’m doing – and just get it out there because this is a free series, all I want to do is share the information that I’m learning with you so you can implement it into your life.

So, thanks for watching and I’ll catch you again tomorrow when we’re talking more about willpower.

Ciao.

LSG Episode 6 - Willpower: The Power of I Will, I Won't and I Want.

Welcome to a brand new week.  This week we are focusing on WILLPOWER and how you can dominate your life and take back control. In this first episode, I want to share with you what Willpower actually is, where it comes from, followed by a couple of actionable tips to help you in your life...TODAY.

Enjoy!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm851wHcfvo


Listen on the Podcast

<insert podcast play here>


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Week 2 of Learn Share Grow with Hayden Wilson and during this whole week we’re going to be covering off on Willpower.

I know willpower is a something a lot of people think they struggle with but I’m going to show you this week how we can start implementing different strategies.

So it’s not about ‘I don’t have the willpower’ or negative self talk, and realising that we do all have the power, we just have to embrace it.

I’m going to show you exactly how to do that this week.

The biggest thing with willpower is a lot of people do have that negative self talk and studies have found that the people who say they have the best willpower actually end up being the worst which is an interesting contrast. So I want you to start thinking ‘are you really that bad?’

The thing that we want to concentrate on here and why willpower is important is because all the studies are going to back up that you are going to increase your happiness, your health is going to come up, you’re going to have better relationships, people with increased willpower have higher savings, they’re better with stress and end up having better career progression.

So there’s a multitude of benefits for having increased willpower.

So we just need to work out how we can get up there. The no. 1 thing with willpower, the no. 1 rule is that we need to increase our self awareness. Once we can start figuring out not only how we lose control, but why we lose control, we can start to take shape and see the decisions that we make.

What most people don’t realise about willpower is that it’s not just willpower - there’s actually 3 parts to it and this has been researched and bought to the attention of the general public by Kelly Mcgonigal who I encourage you to check out.

She’s got a great book which I’m going to reference at the end of the week and also a TED talk which I’ll share the link with you. What she has discovered is it isn’t just willpower. It’s willpower, won’t power and want power.

So the willpower is - I will start to do something, I will do this. The won’t power is when you are going to stop doing some things, like I will stop smoking, or stop drinking alcohol. The want power is all about the focus. So you need all 3.

But if you look up the top (and I’ll move my camera) - not sure if you can read it, but for those listening, I’m pointing to a part that says the will and the won’t power and what we do.

The will helps you stick to the boring, difficult, stressful tasks and the won’t power holds you back from those cravings and impulses. And then you have that third element of the want power – it’s going to help you keep track of your overall goals and desires which is obviously very important to the end result.

All this is encompassed inside of what they call the pre-frontal cortex which is, if I zoom in on my camera here – if I zoom in, this is a little picture of a brain, I know, amazing graphics.

The pre-frontal cortex on the right-hand side, because this is looking straight up, is where the won’t power is held, then you’ve got the willpower on the left and the want power in the front little bit, just there. But the pre-frontal cortex is where you draw your attention to and what you think about most of the time. The reasons there can be conflicts internally when different instances pop up is what scientists call the theory of the two minds.

So if you look at the picture of the brain here, the first thing that happens when you see something is, what they call an impulse. The second thing is self control. So when it first hits and you see the donut and the impulse is ‘yes, I want that donut’, we need to start building up your self control which is the second part, and the self control which is held within the pre-frontal cortex is where you’re going to start embracing that power and realising and rediscovering your want power, why you actually want it - you want that six-pack, or you want to fit into the bikini at the end of the week, or the end of the month.

So you find that these two minds, once we have this self awareness, we can start to put in strategies to remove the conflict. The good news, and I’m going to be talking about this later in the week, the good news is that willpower is a muscle so the more that we use it, the stronger it gets, and the better the decisions that we can make.

We must get better at discovering when we have a difficult decision to make – a lot of people struggle when the crisis does actually happen, and like I said, I’m going to be covering that later in the week and we can start to use those strategies.

What I want to do now – this is going to be a quick video – but what I want to do now, is take you through a couple of ways you can immediately strengthen your willpower. The first thing though that we need to do is decide for you this week, what your actual willpower challenge will be. I need you to set one inside of your head, get familiar with it, why you’re trying to stop it, what are you trying to start and what is the overall goal.

So I want you to find those 3 different things, are you trying to quit smoking, why do you want to do it, what’s your why - it’s always important to ask.

The second thing I want you to do is discover your two minds. So I want you to have on one side, what are the rewards for, you know, having the donut, or then what are the rewards for having six-pack abs.

You need to start finding the two. Or maybe it’s that you’re trying to stop drinking so much. You need to find the benefits and start defining the kind of person you’re going to be when you only drink water for example.

The third thing I want you to do is, I want you to track every decision you make for the next 2 days.

The interesting thing about this is that when people were asked initially how many decisions they make on a day-to-day basis, and this is just with food – how many eating decisions they make during a day, most people estimated about 14.

What they found though, is that there were 227 decisions based solely on food. So this just shows how little self awareness we actually have as a species. So I need you to get a diary and write down every decision that you make over the next 2 days - I did this exercise and it helped 100 percent, and you can start to build that awareness.

The fourth thing that you can try and do and this is going to depend on your person, and this is just one little strategy we are going to cover during this week, is that a lot of people have found that they can train their willpower by practising meditation. I found an app, and I had been recommended this app by many people.  It’s called ‘calm’ and what this is going to do - you just need to spend 5 to 10 minutes on it, just get in that awareness state, focus on the breathing, you know, without sounding like a guru, just being present in the moment.

Then when a hard decision does come up and you do want to eat that, or you do want to have that drink, or you do want to procrastinate – all you need to do is practice your breathing and come back to the moment. That’s going to help calm you down and realise why you’re doing it – back to your why and your want power.

If you enjoy these videos make sure you subscribe so you get the link on when I do new ones – it’s every day at 2pm live, and then you can also check out all the show notes and check out anything else I’m doing at haydenwilson.com.au.

If you have any questions of course chuck them here or down below in the comments (pointing blinding right now).

Thank you so much for joining me and I’m really excited about bringing you a ton of this willpower stuff,

I truly believe in how powerful willpower can be and how much it can change the person that you think you are and start embracing the person that you want to be.

So thanks for joining me and I’ll catch you next time.

Ciao.

LSG Episode 5 - Habits - Resources and Action Guide

Today I share with you the top resources and links you can use to change those habits and achieve high levels of success with all of your habits.  I also have a 5 day action guide which I want to share with you. Get your copy by emailing me here.

Enjoy!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5xyWtXBVT4


Listen on the Podcast

<insert podcast play here>


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hayden Wilson here, Learn Share Grow live and this is Episode 5.

We’ve made it through the first week and I’m doing my best here and I’m hoping that you are learning something from these resources and getting something out of it.

This week has been Habit Week and we’ve learned a ton about how to create habits, how to change bad habits and turn them into good ones.

We also learned what Keystone Habits were and yesterday we went over a short, little plan on exactly what you can do to start changing and implementing different habits within your life.

And today I’m going to show you, up on our trusty board here, we’ve got the resource list. On the fifth day of every week, on the Friday, I do these daily, on the Friday we’re going to be going through the resource list and the action guide so you can actually start getting results in your life by utilising the different parts of the teachings that I’m giving you. So the first thing that you’re going to want to do, is very first up, is buy the book ‘The Power of Habit’.

I’m going to see if I can zoom in here. So that’s my sweet drawing of the book there. I’ve actually got the real book for those watching and that is ‘The Power of Habit’. There’s another cover which is a yellow one which you can see on my resource guide.

Basically this book has provided most of my content for this module and Charles Duhigg is unbelievable, the depth that he has gone to, a great researcher and even better writer. So thank you Charles for writing that. I strongly urge everyone to pick up the book, head over to haydenwilson.com.au/habitbook and you’ll be able to pick that book up, straight from Amazon, straight to your Kindle or jump over to booktopia.com.au and pick it up – one of the best books that you’ll ever read.

The second thing that I need you to do, is watch these videos on YouTube. The first one ‘Charles Duhigg - The Power of Habit’. It goes for about 15 minutes.

The second one is ‘Judson Brewer - A Simple Way to Break a Habit’.

These are all free resources so I’m sure you are going to enjoy them.

Powerful stuff, all about habits, habit creation, and the inner workings, and the psychology behind it.

The next thing you’re going to do is visit Charles’ website which is charlesduhigg.com and he’s got a ton of different resources, action guides, worksheets that you can go through, straight from the source. So I definitely recommend checking that out, he’s got a couple of different papers that you might like to read and look into.

And the last thing that I want you to look into is a 5 day action guide that I’ve created. So all that you see on this board if you’re watching this, or if you’re listening, you’ll be able to download this from haydenwilson.com.au/lsg.

But what I’ve done, is I’ve created an action plan so you can get super clear on what habits you’re doing wrong and start implementing and learning the good habits. I want you to commit to 5 days, that’s all you need to do.

Once you do that, once you can start to build up those habits, you’ll get the momentum and from that momentum, you’ll start winning. So basically, I want to share with you a few resources and guidelines on how to actually complete this. So if I just zoom in, now we’re getting real hi-tech, this first page goes over everything that I’ve just shown you on the board.

You know, it’s got different habits on there that you might like to change. Maybe you might like to start making your bed in the morning which is one of our Keystone Habits, or maybe you want to start going for a run, maybe you want to volunteer more.

There’s so many good habits that you need to be installing into your life. Switching out the smoking and the binge eating and the crap that you just don’t want to do, we all know what it is, get rid of it, it’s toxic. We need to start bringing in good habits.

So then you’ll get to the 5 step action guide. It goes for 5 days and there are 5 steps.

The first one is the routine identification, so we need to work out exactly what it is we’d like to change, whether that be smoking, whether that be drinking, or start exercising and stop being lazy on the couch.

The second step is we’re going to work out the driving forces behind the change. Why do we actually do that. We need to work out in our heads and start to make that transition. Why are we even exhibiting that behaviour? Are we lazy? And this will start to identify the next step which is the reward identification. And for that I’m going to get you to write down 5 potential rewards that you might like to implement in place, as the reward, for doing the routine.

If you’ll remember when we first started this week to create habits and the whole habit loop with a cue which gets you moving, the actual routine which is the activity and then the reward, which is why you do it.

So I want you to write down 5 potential things that you might think could reward you for participating in a specific behaviour. The second last thing I need you to do is the cue identification. So every that this comes up, and this is where the 5 day part comes into it. Every time that this comes up, I want you to fill in this worksheet that I’ve created.   It’s basically going to really help you get clear on why you are having these feelings.

The first thing is, I need you to name the 3 emotions at the exact time that this urge comes across you. Then I want you to write down the time, the location, your emotional state, who else is around, whether you’re alone or with other people, and what were you doing immediately before the urge. Were you at the photocopier making some copies, or were you browsing Facebook, or were you looking at a hungryhaydo video and it made you super hungry which is quite common.

I want you to do that for 5 days.

Once you’ve done that, and you must do those 4 steps beforehand, otherwise the rest of the stuff is just not going to work.

The last thing I want you to do is start to create your plan.

Creating a plan, even though it’s the most essential, you’ve got to do the stuff beforehand for it to even work.

So when you’re creating this plan it’s going to help you forward think and when the crisis does happen and you want to reach for those lollies, or you want to go sit down on the couch after work, or you want to press the snooze button, having that plan will remind yourself why you’re actually doing it and you can start building around that. So what I’ve done is provided a couple of examples here and I’ll read them out.

These might work for you, or you can create your own based on your cue, routine and reward. At 8pm each night, after I’ve completed my 5 necessary tasks for the day, I’ll allow myself 40 minutes of social time or a couple of episodes of my favourite TV show.

This is my reward for working hard all day and justification, I don’t need anything else, this is what I reward myself with for working hard during the day. Another example I have is at 9am each morning, after I’ve written 1,000 words which would be one of my critical tasks being a writer, I will allow myself to head down to the cafe and enjoy a coffee.

These are just simple things and these are just my examples. I want you to start thinking about, and filling in the worksheets to identify what your good habits and bad habits might be and start culminating them and, you know, play the orchestra – I’m moving my hands a lot, that’s why I said that. Basically though, just to sum it up, awesome week, thank you for your support.

It’s unbelievable how many people have been messaging me and showing their positive support for what I’m doing, in helping to teach people, so I really appreciate that.

Buy the book, watch the YouTube videos that are in that download sheet, go to Charles’ website and look at the action guide.

It’s all going to be available, I have a link down below, or to the side – I’ll have a link and you can download that – that’ll be available later today, or if you’re watching this in the future, the link will be right there. So thank you for your support. Next week we are going to be learning a whole new topic.

This is Learn Share Grow with Hayden Wilson.

If you have any questions, jump over to the chat box now and ask, otherwise I’ll catch you all next week.

Thank you for joining me once again.

Ciao.

 

LSG Episode 4 - Habits - Let's change those habits (a guide for dummies...like me)

Today I am going through a key strategy you can implement immediately to start taking control of your habits and start to achieve real success in your life. This is a great episode to follow along with a pen in hand and focus on the screen.

Enjoy!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5uZG7HgEOE


Listen on the Podcast

<insert podcast play here>


Contact Hayden:


Full Transcription Below:

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome. Yes, we’re doing a bit of hi-tech today and we’ve got the whiteboard and we have a microphone – we’re all ready to rock.

This is Episode 4 of Learn Share Grow with Hayden Wilson and yes, high budget here in my living room but this is what happens.

So thank you for joining me and basically today we’re going to go over (I’m not 100% sure if you can see this, we’re going to zoom in a little bit).

But basically, what we’re going to go over (as I switch the camera around) basically what we’re going to go over today is how to change those habits and this is a really practical guide for those who want to start identifying what they’re actually doing and instead of their brain being on auto commit and just going through the motions of habit.

And what we’ve found is with a habit there’s basically 4 different parts to it. Sorry, to change the habit there is 4 different parts.

Basically what we find is if you can identify the routine, experiment with the rewards, isolate the cue and then create a plan around that we can start to change all the habits that have already naturally been installed into our lives.

So if you recall from the first Episode, you’ve got the cue, the routine and the reward, that habit loop, what we need to do is figure out how we can change those habits from good to bad ones. I’m going to take you through a very easy guide that you can follow, along with examples. So, let’s take a look at the first step where you’re identifying the routine.

This is the first step, the easiest bit because this is the activity that you want to cut out. So that might be not exercising, or it might be the habit that you’re eating poor nutrition, or it might be that you’re doing something that you really don’t want to exhibit, so that’s the first step.

The second step is to experiment with the rewards and the third thing we’re going to do is look at the cue, you know, whether it’s time, is it hunger or boredom. So when we’re looking at experimenting with different rewards, you need to understand that rewards satisfy the craving. That’s exactly why we do things, because we want to satisfy the reasons why we’re feeling like that.

So we need to identify what are the different rewards. Can we go for a walk, can we see friends, is it a social craving? Are we hungry, is we have an apple, a shake and some nuts, something healthy in the Paleo style? There are 2 actions that we can do around this. So when the cue comes, when you start to get that feeling that you want to walk and go and grab a donut, or you want to eat something bad, you need to write down the 3 things you are feeling on a piece of paper and put them on your desk. Every single time you need to do this. This is going to help raise awareness while we’re doing it, and help us find the patterns.

The second thing you want to do, is you need to start some alternative solutions. So when the cue comes and you’re feeling hungry for that piece of crap, go for a walk, come back later on and ask did that satisfy your craving. If it didn’t, you need to understand that the process of going for a walk didn’t satisfy your craving, so you’re not craving exercise and environment. What you might be craving is social interaction. So you can try going and seeing friends or giving someone a call for 10 minutes. Then, when you come back to your office, are you still craving what you originally thought would satisfy that craving. Try this process out.

The third thing you want to do (I’ll bring you over here) basically scientists have discovered that any cue is going to fall or you can identify it through 5 different choices.

So what I need you to do is write down on a piece of paper these headings: Location, Time, Emotional State, Other People Around (yes or no), and Immediately Preceding the Action...what do you do.

If you write these down and every single time that you get this craving you need to be able to write these down and identify where was I when it was happening, what time was it, what was my emotional state - run through these 5 questions with yourself and you will start to identify what the actual problem was and how you can do it.

So basically, by this stage we know what the cue is through our 5 choices questionnaire, we know what the routine is because we knew that all along, and we know what the reward is because we’ve done that trial and error.

The last thing that we need to do, is to have a plan. So this is probably the most essential step because with the plan, you know, scientists as they do, have created a buzz word - the “implementation intention”, so when this comes about, what are you going to do. What are the actions you’re going to take when you start to get that craving.

And this is where you need to be strong.

And the thing about this is I don’t expect you to be perfect. Everyone stuffs up. I pressed the snooze button on my alarm this morning. It’s not you know, people have this unrealistic expectation that certain people have this superpower and they never screw up, but we’re all human and I want you to realise that.

What we’re going to do is rewire the habit, because these habits and these routines that we have developed are automatic you know. At the start, in Episode 1 we talked about it being automatic and actually the reason we have habits is because it’s more efficient for our brain and we don’t have to use our brain power on what we perceive as automatic decisions that should just happen.

The thing is, we’re going to start rewiring that, because right now, we’ve got a bad routine inside of our habit loop. This implementation intention, your plan, is going to help you to be a lot more aware, it’s going to help you decide what you’re actually going to do when the crisis occurs, and the last couple of things I want to mention is that you need to, like I said at the start, you need to be realistic – you’re not superman, everyone falls off the wagon.

There was a time last year when I was addicted to these cakes at the Green Refectory in Brunswick – unbelievable cheese cake, best you’ve ever had, and every single day at 3.30 I would eat a piece of this, you know, their full fat, sugar, delicious cakes, but I identified the cues and I found out that what I was actually doing was I wanted a break from work and I wanted to get out, and you know, just have a break from the office environment I was surrounded by for most of my day. And I decided that instead of going up there and eating the Mars Bar cheesecake or the Tim Tam cheesecake that I would just instead, go for a 15 minute walk and have a big glass of water. And what this found was that I was actually dehydrated and that being outside was what I was actually craving.

So once I identified that, I could mitigate it, and there were times when I fell off the wagon and a couple of times that week or over the next couple of weeks I did go for a piece of cake, but I made healthier choices and built it into my plan.

That’s what you need to do, so start thinking about the ways you are using routines in your life, and build plans and actions around how you are going to actually change the things that you want to change and start living the person you want to be and creating the actions that are congruent with the person you want to be.

If you have any questions, jump over to haydenwilson.com.au or you can see previous Episodes at haydenwilson.com.au/lsg.

Learn Share Grow.

If you’ve got any questions, chuck them over there in the comments section or I’ll chat to you all later.

Thanks for joining me. I’m enjoying the journey so far.

Tomorrow I’m going to go through with you, the most important resource you can pick up to learn more about habits, I’m going to share a few different links with you, you can watch a couple of TED talks on influences to follow on Twitter or Instagram, and I also want to provide a couple of worksheets that will help you with a lot of the stuff that we’ve talked about this week around habits, and it’s going to make these things a lot more concrete so, within your life, you can understand why you’re doing specific things and really identify the process and the underlying psychology behind why you’re doing it.

So thanks for joining me.

Any questions, again just ask me.

Peace out.

See you later.

(Best ending ever.)